It is the most fiscally responsible thing for me to do right now.
I've been job-hunting for a couple months now with no luck and can't stomach the idea of working full-time again for my current boss. I like living in Chicago, I do. But things are getting worse every year. In the almost six years I've lived here, the city has gone from being an exciting adventureous place to live and work to a place with increasingly high crime, high stress, high unemployment, and even higher taxes.
I don't have the same support structure of friends that I did while at school. Even though I'm a severely independent person and I tend to not keep a lot of close friends, I still need support sometimes. Of my three closest friends, one lives about three and a half hours away in Indiana, one is considering making her eventual move back to her hometown of Manhattan, and the closest is considering moving back to Los Angeles again soon.
Now I have high aspirations. Within 2 years of moving back to South Dakota, I hope to be on my feet again and ready to relocate to another city. I'm thinking Portland, or maybe Seattle. Whereever I end up going, I need to live cheaply for awhile in order to save money for the move. Going home affords me this option.
There's some serious drawing aspects to this decision as well. When I came back from home to Chicago on New Year's Eve last year it was the most disappointing and crushing feeling, knowing that I was leaving the support and love of my family and going back to a major financial struggle (that would last almost all year). My brother Jon came to see me in February, and then again in March with my folks for my BFA Show at SAIC. Then the whole family came out for my graduation in May (except my sister-in-law Terri). A week after graduation, I made a major roadtrip to move Holly back from LA and we made a very, very brief appearance in Sioux Falls. We were there for one night only; I didn't even get to see my sister Jessica or my brother Jon. That one night was the only time I've been home this year and it's been wearing me thinner and thinner. My family is changing and growing and I want to be a part of it again. I miss the joy I feel being around them. I want to be a more integral part of my niece's life. I want to be around when my sister and my sister-in-law each have their first children. I want to break some bad habits I've formed living away from them and share the good habits I've learned. I want to spend more time with my extended family members.
I want to live alone. I know that at first I'll be back under my parents roof, but free room and board plus meals for a couple months should be enough to help me afford an apartment all my own. I've been wishing I could live alone for the past year and a half; I've just been too stubborn to leave the comfort of my space in this apartment. At this point, I'm even looking forward to living at my folks's place because of the clean and cozy upkeep that they maintain (and I will help maintain). Oh to live in a clean place with people who think like I do.
When I talked with my mom yesterday, she said she wants to make sure that I don't feel like a failure for making this decision. Well, I don't. Things would be completely different if the economy wasn't in the crapper just now and a lot of people are making far more desperate decisions than I. I am actually lucky to have such an accommodating family to help me in my time of trouble. And I feel just a little more grown up by being able to finally admit that I can't do what I've been trying to do by myself anymore. I think that means I'm evolving as a person...
Now it's time to get some things done. But first, here's a snapshot of our family Christmas tree from the first year I lived in Chicago. This year, I'll be home for Christmas, but not only in my dreams...
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