Dumped again...

This time it's my daycare provider.  I am once again at a total loss as to how to handle this situation.  I feel like I'm broken and damaged from all of the disappointment and frustration I've been trying to manage lately.  I just weep thinking about how hopeless I've been feeling constantly.  I've gained weight to the point where I absolutely have to start giving a shit or I'm never going to make it back to fit and healthy.  I know the problem but it's like there's rocks in my heart keeping me from the motivation I need to get up and be active again.  I don't think I've ever felt so lonely.  I have never minded being alone but I was just starting to get used to having someone when he blindsided me with his truth, his lack of feelings for me.  I didn't realize how badly I actually want to have someone want me.  I miss the feeling of someone wanting to spend their time with me.  I've been trying my luck with match.com.  No success so far but not for lack of trying.  I don't feel very hopeful...

My mom was right, you can't put a bandaid on a heartache.  And there's no timeline for when the pain will subside.  Losing my daycare provider today because of my child's poor behavior is like a double blow because it really feels like my fault.  Not only can I not keep a decent man around for more than two months, I also I can't keep my kid in the same daycare for more than 9 months...we are emotionally unstable girls that apparently only our family can truly love and tolerate long term.  It's times like these that those biting words my ex said to me in the fight that technically and effectively ended our relationship "no one will ever love you" feel so true that my soul feels fractured beyond repair.  How can I possibly feel like love will ever happen for me if no one sticks around long enough to find out who I really am?  It is exhausting trying to hold my composure all the time when I just feel so downtrodden.

Something needs to change.  I can't expect anyone but me to make it happen...