Well, 29 started with a bang...and has since fizzled. Re-ignition needed? Sorely. It's obviously been a few months since I've posted. I stopped with the 40 Days of Fashion because of an obnoxious coworker. And now, after all that has happened, I just don't feel like being particular about what I share and what I don't....
I met, by way of a mutual artist friend, a handsome, age-appropriate guy on which day of all days? My fucking birthday. I was just thinking it was about time to throw in the towel and start internet dating again and my friend introduces me to Mr. Wonderful. He really was wonderful...he's a single father of 2 amazing boys (that I actually got to spend time with). He has full custody and a sordid backstory but we had many commonalities and similar values, both single parents and all. I enjoyed all the time I spent with him; always aiming for more. I became very comfortable with him, right away. I guess I didn't see any harm because neither one of us was fresh out of our longer-term relationships (me, over 2 years, him, one). We were dating casually but it wasn't casual. I spent most of my summer with him, even volunteering 2 days of paid vacation time to go camping with him and his friends. Just 2 days after our vacation weekend, he told me in passing that we needed to talk about our relationship. He then ignored me completely for 3 days, and then sent me a "break-up note" by way of a series of text messages. I saw him in passing a few days later to get my earrings back. I tried to communicate how very hurt I am that he couldn't just tell me to my face that he didn't want to date me. If he had just told me right away that it wasn't working it would have been completely different...but instead I just feel so stupid. So dumb. He mentioned wanting to possibly be friends in his last message. I desperately want to be friends with him. Aside from the fact that his best friend's wife is the one who set us up, and I really care for them both; I just can't keep my heart from caring about him. My facebook news feed is just blowing up with all of their travels and it pains me to see him and not want to respond negatively because I still feel hurt. I keep thinking that eventually he will see that I could be more than whatever it is he thinks I was. But seriously, what sort of trash would I be to allow being treated like a dirty gym sock cast aside? I'm so frustrated and sad about the whole situation that I find myself at a total loss still. I feel like I'm grieving the loss of something extremely treasured while at the same time nursing some serious wounded pride. Instincts are misleading...Happy Fucking Birthday to me, right?!
Soundtrack of the evening (after watching "Sleepless in Seattle"), the album Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie...
This is fact not fiction, for the first time in years:
I just want somebody to love and accept me as I am, no changes necessary...he must be the rarest of gems with the difficulty I am having in finding him...
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